#kunsel (ff7)

[soggy-fishsticks]

thinking about soldier tan lines.....

[drakyions]

hi everyone. my "i don't care what canon says, there's different languages all over ffvii" agenda (original under the cut)

[accala]

Zack Fair had:

A girl who spent 4 years pining after him to the point she chased an afterimage of him (Aerith)

A girl who looked after his parents and his hometown due to sheer guilt and devotion (Cissnei)

A boy who spent 4 years trying to find him after he went missing (Kunsel)

And a boy who adopted his entire being and became his legacy after his death (Cloud)

Zack Fair was NOT playing.

[shitpostingkats]

I know it's been said over and over again but shoutouts to Kunsel. He's an incredibly nosy bitch who loves digging into other people's buisness. He's genuinely nice and affable. He texts you things to tell you what wikipedia articles he's reading. You never see his face. He spent years (rightfully) refusing to believe one of his best friends is dead and instead sending out messages into the unanswering void. If he were released today he'd be an instant tumblr babygirl.

[rottenpumpkin13]

The entire soldier floor is covered in bubble wrap. How is everyone dealing with this, and long until Lazard cracks because someone is clearly conducting a social experiment, possibly on him specifically?

Sephiroth: At first: visibly irritated at the constant crisp pop-pop-pop-pop in his ears. The first pop beneath his boot was accidental. The second… was not. Now he's been stuck in popping hell for three hours. He must pop. Can't not pop. It is compulsion, addiction. It's an enriching activity. He paces the halls silent except for the rhythmic snap-snap-snap echoing with him. Has started rearranging his training routines just to maximize popping surface area. Walks up behind Genesis and just… pop. Stares at him. Walks away. It's his favorite form of microaggression. He does it solely to ruin Genesis' day.

Genesis: "Sephiroth. Please. I beg of you. ENOUGH." Has reached the end of his rope. Stuck in a nightmare of sensory overload because someone won't stop pacing like a metronome. Tries to read Loveless and gets interrupted every five seconds by a POP from across the room. Sephiroth pops in beat to the Stamp theme song now. Genesis is in hell. Last anyone saw Genesis, he had both fingers jammed in his ears, power-walking down the hall like a man fleeing divine punishment. Behind him, the divine punishment— Sephiroth— followed aggressively popping the bubble wrap.

Zack: Living his dream. "You can't get hurt if you can't get friction!" is his new battle cry. Has invented seven new stunts, 5 of which involve fire. Security camera footage surfaced of him bubble wrapping the entire floor. Now being hunted by Angeal like a war criminal. Currently hiding in the vents. He knows what he did. He is a fugitive from justice. And also Angeal.

Angeal: Has become a walking PSA. Circles the halls like a stressed mother hen in a school with sugar-addled toddlers. "Don't wrap it around your neck!" "No, that's not food—DON'T EAT IT!" "Kunsel, if I see you jump off that railing one more time—" Constantly pulling Thirds out of burrito-rolls of wrap. Has written five memos on safety protocol, none of which anyone has read. Also furious at Zack. Keeps trying to chase him, popping everywhere he goes like a stampede of popcorn, still lecturing as he vaults over desks and screams "ZACK FAIR YOU ARE GROUNDED UNTIL CHRISTMAS"

Cloud: Doesn't even know what he's doing at SOLDIER (help him). Just trying to get to the infantry barracks. Slipped, hit the floor, bounced into a wall, popped three layers of wrap, and now just refuses to walk like a normal person. Is seen crawling on his hands and knees, popping aggressively. Zack keeps dragging him into stunts. "It's safe, buddy! It's all wrap!" Cloud: "I don't want to be safe anymore. I want death."

Lazard: Has stopped going home. Sleeps under his desk. Has printed out the HR handbook and is eating pages from it. Is now muttering about how SOLDIER is a psychological experiment designed by Dr. Hollander and "they" are watching.

Kunsel: Rolling in gil after selling Zack metric tons of bubble wrap. Absolutely knew what he was enabling, did it anyway, no regrets. He's already printed business cards that say Chaos Supplier. He slipped one beneath Lazard's locked office door and heard Lazard scream and start sobbing.

[sillyguysss]

Family gathering

[skys-trash-bin]

zacks fighting sans rn

[saremina]

Kunsel ❤️

[secondarysefikura]

Fun fact! The reason Kunsel is always wearing his helmet in Crisis Core is because he is considered so beautiful, nothing would get done if anyone knew what he looked like. He is strictly forbidden from ever removing the helmet, lest the world grind to a halt as everyone basks in his beauty.

[altocat]

Do you think Heidegger ever tried to hit a SOLDIER and injured his hand?

Heidegger is defeated by Kunsel by the sheer ridiculousness of Kunsel never taking his helmet off, thus battering the shit out of Heidegger's hand when he takes a swing.

[videogamegeek12345]

do we know... at the end of crisis core, lazard dies as an angeal copy. do we know who replaced lazard as the director of SOLDIER? like, heidegger is in charge of the whole shebang but lazard was like, in charge of SOLDIER like tseng is in charge of the turks. they're like delegated directors...

if i say i think kunsel could've been a viable replacement...

[sephirthoughts]

kunsel: -finally takes off his helmet-

kunsel: -gloriously silky black hair tumbles over his shoulders, setting off his crimson eyes just right-

everyone:

vincent: i'm not even surprised at this point

[accala]

I love how Kunsel is considered as this mysterious skilled knowledgeable guy in the fandom due to his nature as the tutorial npc. Square Enix accidentally made an enigmatic character that could have had a significant role in Remake/Rebirth.

[salternateunreality2]

Genesis Rhatsodos Facts

compiled from conversations with @snowbanshee and @rottenpumpkin13

---------------------------------

Genesis Rhatsodos' World:

Angeal and Lazard are roommates, who together own a little zoo of critters.

Lazard's favorite handsome best princess is, of course, Sephiroth. Who is a wild cat/domestic cat hybrid that Lazard insists is "just a sweet Maine Coon". Lazard is delusional.

Lazard also owns Roche, who is a cockatiel who gets into chattering matches with Genesis Rhatsodos.

Angeal has Rhatsodos and puppy Zack, and puppy Zack brought home little baby chick Cloud one day and absolutely refuses to let anyone take him away, though Sephiroth constantly is trying to, and Angeal and Lazard just want to save the baby and return him to his mother.

Kunsel (Krowsel) is a very clever little tiny crow who wandered in one day and rides around on Zack's head and supports him in his Cloudnapping endeavors. He belongs to no one but himself.

Cloud grows up to be a full-blown menace the size of a large goose or small swan. They are unsure of his species because he's so fast and yellow and bright.

---------------------------------------------------

Genesis Rhatsodos' Preferences and Habits:

He eats only the finest of floor cheeses.

Does he bite? He is Genesis Ratsodos, of course he bites. His teeth are the sharpest teeth in all of Mousegar. YES INCLUDING KITTYROTH'S.

Does he solve puzzles for snacks? He would NEVER...admit that. ONLY FOR ANGEAL. ANGEAL MAKES ANGELIC SNACKS.

Genesis Rhatsodos is Very Upset about everyone taking attention from him and gets into fights with Sephikitty often, but they secretly like to cuddle together when it gets cold.

Genesis Rhatsodos' favorite food is apple cheese.

He might just be the smallest in this AU, but don't say that to his face. Especially after Cloud goes through bird-puberty.

He wars with himself over his dignity and size in his fight with Kittyroth. Ultimately, Genesis nobly chooses to continue the fight, even though Cloud is a better warrior against the cat. However, he continues the fight atop Cloud's back, riding him like a mighty steed and stabbing Kittyroth with his sword when he can.

Speaking of his sword, it is named Ruby because it's a red sword-toothpick from a fancy tea party Angeal attended.

Genesis Rhatsodos is a hoarder, and keeps shiny and good things in his enclosure, like a booklet he pretends to read that is rat-sized.

Angeal saw how taken he was with human things and lined his enclosure with backdrops to mimic a house, and put rat-safe doll furniture throughout.

He has a "room" with a "fireplace" that's always painted to be going strong. He loves to curl up there and watch as the glittery paint catches the afternoon sun.

He constantly squeaks, and while Angeal can't understand him, he somehow knows in his heart that it's quotes from Loveless, Genesis Rhatsodos' favorite book/movie/anything.

[rottenpumpkin13]

What info has Kunsel scarred AGSZC with? (+Turks for bonus points!) 😈

Sephiroth: "Kunsel informed me that Hojo talks to a framed photo of me when no one's around. I have not known peace since."

Angeal: "Kunsel told me SOLDIER's mess hall eggs don't come from chickens....or any recognizable bird. But I can't discard the free breakfast they provide everyday because that would be a waste of food, so I've been giving my omelet to Zack every day. He thinks I do it because I love him."

Genesis: "Kunsel casually mentioned in passing, conversationally, that Shinra's cafeteria once tried to "cut costs" by replacing the chocolate in Loveless-themed desserts with a synthetic alternative that, in high doses, causes 'mild hallucinations'. I demanded to know how many hallucinatory dessert monologues I have unknowingly given. Kunsel refuses to say."

Zack: "Kunsel told me he saw Reeve walking around at 3am the other night wearing wizard robes and taking life advice from a robot cat, so now I'm trying to figure out how I should ask Reeve to be my life coach."

Tseng: "Kunsel sent me a detailed, time-stamped report of every moment Rufus has tried to assassinate his father. It's a thick 712-page binder. I'm still not sure if he expects me to do something about it."

Reno: "Kunsel informed me that he saw Tseng and the VP making out in the executive elevator, so now Rude owes me 1200 gil because I fuckin' knew it."

Rude: "Kunsel told me that he technically doesn't exist. Shinra's records lost his enlistment paperwork after some intern accidentally filed it under Wutai war casualties. I talked to a man that doesn't exist. I still feel unwell."

Cloud: "Kunsel once sent me a full itinerary of the President's affairs, categorized by day, location, and security breach risk. I asked where he got this information. Kunsel simply said "I know things" and refused to elaborate. He makes me deeply uncomfortable."

[fangirl-1st-class]

Spending my nights thinking about Raven and Kunsel's worsening situationship after Zack's disappearance aaaaaaa Kids nowadays, staying up on their phones waiting to hear back from their long-deceased coworker. Your best friend gets KIA and you have wildly different ideas on how to learn about what happened? All the while no one around seemingly gives a damn? Might as well keep vigil in the same bed, maybe Shinra didn't bug your pillowcases at least.